10 Funny Jokes
==================== # 10
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see
how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the
works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so
much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and
reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the
money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
====================== # 9
A group of young businessmen were chatting at the bar, and
decides to share his recent embarrassment with the others. He
tells them that he was booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but
he was so preoccupied with the beautiful breasts of the girl to
the counter, that instead of saying "I'd like a ticket to
Pittsburgh", he said, "I'd like a picket to Titsburg!"!
An older guy nearby hears the story and says, "You know, I had a
similar experience with my wife this morning. We were sitting at
the breakfast table. and I meant to say, "Darling, could you
please pass the butter" ... but what came out was, "You bitch,
you're ruining my fucking life!"
==================== # 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste,
nothing will."
==================== # 7
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated
next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He
asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It
identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and
Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name
is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
==================== # 6
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns
over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment
tomorrow too?"
===================== # 5
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his
penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see
a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be
too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's
wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to
put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
==================== # 4
A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma
for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign
and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there
is any reaction.
The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan
from his wife. He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor says
this is amazing and is a real break through. The doctor then
suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes
later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The
doctor asks what happen to which the
man replies "She choked."
===================== # 3
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll
make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In
return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on thebar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's
open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth
and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone
$100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman
timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with
the beer bottle".
================= # 2
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices
a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks
down upon the small white guy and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"
The small white guy faints !!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy
"What's wrong?".
The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?".
The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
Brown"
The small white guy says "Thank god, I thought you said"Turn
around".
============== # 1
This one made it No.1 in just 1 day !!!!
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night ?