THE CANDYWRAPPER

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss

Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth

Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart,

how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure

Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it

was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all

I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up

her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be

long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of

the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "hey

Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces,

don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit

and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she

was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three

Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her

Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when

all of the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she

started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth!